I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
