Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
