that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
