We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
