dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
