This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
