my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
