I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
