she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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