Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize