I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
