Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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