3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Drunk is not a location!
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
