I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
