I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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