Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
