She went from zero to smokin in five shots
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Dignity is for republicans.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
