Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
