Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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