Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
