she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize