you win again, gameday.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
you had me at cake vodka
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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