I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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