can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
