defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
