i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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