Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
