her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
