she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
