Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
