i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
