my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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