I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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