i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
