Apparently you make a good broom.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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