We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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