I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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