If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
