My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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