Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
