i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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