yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
