I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
