So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
