I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
