Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
