i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
