Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
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