dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
