there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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