You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
