Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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