and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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