I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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