Jerry, you need to find god
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
