There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Slut skills are useful in every country.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
