they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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