I wish I could teleport
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
i out mim tonsoeep
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