Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
