you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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