VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
