I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
