I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
he was CRYING into my vagina
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
