Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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