Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
