I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
