Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
