True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
