This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
