when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
